In His Time

The entire week has been hectic for me with assignments but by God's grace, I survived! We all survived. I'm writing this post in dedication of this whole week because God's timing has been so perfect, placing everything at a perfect timing for His perfect purpose.

Started this entire week busy with uni stuff; two assignment submissions, one reflection submission; one quiz; plus one unexpected quiz; and CF commitments. I don't deny that it is stressful but in this 'storm', God provided me with the right people, right conversations, and just the right kind of support I needed.

3 moments that is worth sharing this week regarding God's timing:
i. Having people staying up with me throughout the process of completing the assignments
I don't know what I did to deserve friends like them. It's simply a blessing to have friends that share the same mind. Checking each other's work and affirming each other's progress; having a listening ear to rant about wanting to give up and wash drains yet end up being encouraged at the end of the conversation.

ii. Having the right people to talk to at the right time:
Though I'm still having a difficult time deciding whether to accept the position or not, I thank God for the support of my beloved mamas and teacher adviser. I think right now, it doesn't matter if I take the position or not because the team will share the equal amount of responsibility but not everybody will share the same burden. I don't want to take this position feeling as if it's a burden but I want to feel the joy of the Lord overwhelming me as I choose to serve Him and do His Kingdom work where He called me.
Just had a talk with Joanna in CG when we were discussing about prayer, and being reminded to pray about it is one thing that I will take away from our conversation.

iii. Falling down (literally):
I haven't fell down in a very long time which means that I have no felt this kind of physical, tangible pain for ages. I admit it kinda feels good. But my point is what better time to fall down and get injured than this! It's not every time I serve that I don't have to stand. It's not every weekend I get to play the keyboard for main service. It's not a coincidence that I fell and injured my left leg instead of my right leg. Moreover, it's not a coincidence that it's mid sem break and I don't have to wear jeans or go to uni for 5 days a week.
God is sovereign and in control. I could only imagine falling down and getting my leg injured and having to stand for long hours and sing with this amount of physical pain; or getting my right leg injured and having to move it constantly as I step on the pedals to sustain each key.

I could only think of this week, smile and give thanks. Thank You Jesus for reminding me again that You are faithful, You are in control, Your timing is perfect, and You are a real God and that I love You for who You are.

Ending this week with a smile, and in hope of an amazing next week with God by my side every step of the way.  

Facts That Hurt

I've been showered with too many facts that has left my dumbfounded today. Many too personal and many that sank my heart to the bottom of the ocean.

Attending this Junior World Entrepreneurship Forum (JWEF) thing has definitely been a bonding session that has allowed the DARTE gang to hang out more despite our busy schedules. I am thankful for this group of people that have opened my eyes to a world that I've been shadowed from but I am having doubts about knowing this world of theirs. I might be in the world but I know I am not of the world. Hence, some things I find difficult to accept but I truly truly love the people which leaves my heart in conflict.

I've learnt many things today that as a 20 year old I should have known earlier. I may have known some stuff but it all seemed so distance to me that it is almost not relatable but not till now. Not when it is happening to someone you know personally. Sometimes I want to know things but at the same time I don't want to lose my innocence or be bothered by it. Right now, my heart aches for them. I can only imagine how much more God's heart aches for them.

Jesus I pray that You'll change hearts
I pray that Your will be done
As You open my eyes and filled me with compassion
I pray You turn them back to Your original plan

Teach me Lord, not to judge
Teach me Lord, to love them much
Use me Lord, to touch their hearts
Use me Lord, Your will be done

I Vaguely Remember

I vaguely remember the smile on your face
I vaguely remember the smell that you take
I vaguely remember your touch on my waist
I vaguely remember the love that you gave

Yet what I see even to this day is that I'm still haunted by my every mistake
All that we had just happened too fast simply because I was wanted to be a part
Yes I admit that you made me smile but I will never forget the tears as night falls
A year has pass but there's still scars, I'm still slowly falling apart

Seeing you daily doesn't help my case
you seem so fine in that thick brown case
I wonder if you feel the same way
I wonder if being here is a big mistake

Things start showing, people start digging
I can't help but feel that people are judging
It's probably just me, that much I know
But I can't seem to find comfort in the friends that I know

Will they understand? Will they walk away?
I'm afraid that it'll all happen the very same way
Keep your mask on, I say everyday
Yet I know that one day it might crumble away

I vaguely remember the friends that I made
I vaguely remember the support that they gave
I vaguely remember being so free
I vaguely remember just being me

To Daddy and Mummy From Me

So I was suppose to do something for my Creative Media class and somehow I ended up writing this story and then this so called poem. 

When I was writing this story, all that came to my mind was my family, particularly my daddy and mummy and how I often take them for granted.

I believe that no matter what, our parents are always there for us. So often we don't see and try to push them away but when we're truly in need, they are the first ones that come into our mind to call for rescue.

So thank you daddy and thank you mummy for always standing by me, for giving me that love that never ceases. I love you.